A Bollywood Marriage Made In Heaven - Road to the Middle Class

LET’S ANALYZE the announcement that has all India dancing in the streets, the engagement between Bollywood stars Aishwarya Rai (Bride and Prejudice) and Abhishek Bachchan. I mean, let’s do some cultural analysis.

First of all, the engagement was announced by the father of the groom, himself a famous Bollywood star. According to Jeremy Page in Delhi the engagement was announced this way.

“The children have decided. We are very happy and thought we should go ahead with the engagement ceremony,” Amitabh Bachchan told The Times of India.

Exactly. You certainly would never have the parent of a Hollywood star making an announcement about the “children.”

Of course, no Bollywood event would be complete without a big production number. The fans knew just what to do. They set up a big song and dance production number right outside Bachchan’s house.

As news of the engagement spread, hundreds of fans sang and danced through the night outside the house.

But there’s a problem.

Ms Rai is widely reported to be manglik, meaning she was born under a poorly placed Mars that can bring bad luck and even premature death to her husband.

It is interesting that, with all the interest in horoscopes in the West and the song “Age of Aquarius,” you know what with the Moon in the Seventh House and Jupiter aligned with Mars, it would be unthinkable for the US supermarket tabloids to worry about an in auspicious horoscope.

Before getting married, manglik women are traditionally required to go through a symbolic wedding to an idol of the Hindu god Vishnu or to a peepal or banana tree. It is still unclear if Ms Rai has been through such a ritual.

Ah yes, very important that, and very prudent. In fact, it would probably do Britney Spears a power of good.

The important thing to realize is that Hindu gods are, like Americans, deeply into personal transportation. Each god has a “vehicle.”

Vishnu’s vehicle is Garuda, described as “king of birds, half-man and half-bird.” So that’s all right. Hollywood stars, of course, go in for private jets, so there’s a clear connection.

[T]hey were then seen visiting a Hindu temple with their parents in November and emerging with marigold garlands around their necks — usually a sign of engagement.

Indian media also reported that their families had offered prayers on the banks of the River Ganges at the holy city of Varanasi to help to clear up potential conflicts in their horoscopes.

Quite a family affair, very much like the Bollywood movies themselves, which always seem to have a mother in complete charge of the universe and a father who struts around very importantly but ineffectively.

Now back to Prince William and Kate Middleton. What about their engagement announcement?

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Christopher Chantrill blogs at www.roadtothemiddleclass.com. His Road to the Middle Class is forthcoming.